During April 2017 I will be blogging about my Courtship Memories from A to Z . These challenge posts will also be found at Random Thoughts and Tender Mercies http://marcysrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/

Friday, October 21, 2011

Friday Show and Tell Third Campaigner Challenge - Show Not Tell

Before I present my entry I'd like to tell about an amazing website I just found that showcases authors who are donating a percentage of their earnings to worthwhile charities.  Click here to visit Read A Book, Make A Difference.


And now, here is my entry for Rachel's Third Campaigner Challenge - Show Not Tell:


Street lights were still glowing as I ended my run and jogged down the trail leading from the pier, my long ponytail bouncing behind me. My lungs were burning, and the intermittent sharp pain in my left leg was told me that I had gone further than I normally did. I licked the salty sweat from my upper lip. Billy Joel, normally motivating, was suddenly annoying, and I reached up and pulled out the ear buds. Equally annoying was the stench of a heap of decaying fish heads that some synbatec jerk of a fisherman had left lying in the dirt.


 My feet hit loose sand and I slowed to a walk. The breeze cooling my sweaty skin was always a welcome relief at the end of my run, and today the pounding of the surf acted as balm to my annoyance. When my ragged breathing had slowed to a more normal rate, I bent over and stretched out my shaking legs, then sank down on the damp sand in the brightening daylight and grabbed my toes, flexing my feet, welcoming the twinge of relief from stretching out my arches. The tacise was vital if I expected to avoid stiffness later this morning.


Lying back, I closed my eyes. Normally my daily run was invigorating, but this morning even it felt same old, same old. School was almost over; my assignments were all handed in. I had no job, and last night Jason had dropped the bomb that he was spending the summer as a scout camp counselor in Missouri. A long empty summer stretched ahead of me.


What was that? I jumped up and stared across the waves as a silver spherical wastopaneer whirred and beeped its way down into the waves.  Three green faces peered out at me.


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 Did you like this little scene?  It's number 98 at Rachel Harrie's Third Campaigner Challenge.

For those not aware of the challenge, here are the instructions:
 
Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:


• that it’s morning,

• that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach

• that the MC (main character) is bored

• that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting

• that something surprising happens.

Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

14 comments:

  1. Ooh awesome! This entry was really cool! I loved your descriptive language, and the surprise at the end! It left me wanting to read the rest of the story. Great job!

    I'm entry #5

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  2. I really loved this. Your imagery is great, and your ending was definitely unexpected. Great job!
    Mine is #25.

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  3. Ahh the green faces. Nicely done. mine is #56

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  4. Your setting was amazing--I could see everything :) And I loved the surprise ending. Well done!

    I'm a new follower :) I love the quote in your header. Uchtdorf is the best!

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  5. You made me feel the aches she was experiencing with her run! Lol! Such a cute ending! Good job! ; )

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  6. Not a single query done today. I couldn't stand the suspense of waiting til Monday once I knew which blog to check. Great story, especially for the taste and feeling senses & I love the SF twist. Bonus! Another LDS blogger. I love finding those.

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  7. I felt like I was right with her along the beach. And I love the last line! :)

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  8. Thanks everyone for your kind comments. The ending was a bit of a surprise to me too and I have no idea where the story could go from here.

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  9. Nice job. Those three faces must have been feeling sea sick.

    mood
    (now following)
    Moody Writing
    @mooderino
    no. 79

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  10. Mm, loved the sci-fi twist to the end. Didn't see that one coming. Great approach to the challenge.

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  11. Got to love the sci-fi twist. That's what I did this time, too. Excellent voice and description throughout. Great job! :)

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  12. Hey! I loved your entry! Just stopping by to let you know you've been chosen to move on to the next round of judging. ^_^

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  14. Moving on to the next round! Woot!
    Thanks Francesca!

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